And Then They Let A Bear Loose

I think the next major awards show should let Alex Jones host. No jokes – just have him yell crazy, Alex Jones shit – and do Billy Crystal style dance numbers – ’cause I WANT DANCING!!! Then, have him present a “Lifetime Achievement Award” to someone who’s thirty and awful – like Emma Stone. And she’s like, “Why am I getting this award? I’m thirty and awful?” and Alex wipes the coke residue from his nose and shouts, “Trust me – just do it!” So, she lisps into the mic for eight minutes after which, she’s immediately dragged offstage and executed – as Alex spends the rest of the show telling us who really did it. And then they let a bear loose.

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